Septate Uterus

(Disclaimer: I realize there are more pressing issues in the world, but in my world, this is a big deal.. so keep reading if you want to attend the pity party I threw today.)

I recently drafted a blog on my current Paleo experience, but I haven’t gotten around to finishing it. I’ll have to get to that some other time.

Today, I went in for my Day 13 Ultrasound. This is the 4^thcycle of fertility treatment, so I’ve gotten pretty familiar with the Ultrasound Technicians as I’ve had 2-3 u/s (ultrasounds) per cycle. I usually get a girl named Whitney. She kind of reminds me of Hilary Duff with a short bob haircut.. The first time I met her, I made the mistake of asking some questions about her life while she was examining me.. I say mistake because she got lost in the conversation while the u/s “wand” was still inside of me (she talks w/her hands & one of her hands happened to be holding the wand). It also prolonged the process, so as much as I want to chat, I try to avoid making conversation during the procedure.. I did learn a lot about her that day. And she has become very acquainted with my uterus and ovaries these last few months..

Anyway, the visits have become pretty routine, and I’ve come to expect hearing certain things each time. At the Day 3 u/s, Whitney (or whoever the u/s tech is that day) tells me that I don’t have any cysts, everything looks good, and to go ahead and start the medication (Letrozole). At the Day 13 u/s , they usually tell me how many follicles I have and what size they are. Other than the 1^st cycle, when they told me the follicles were too small and to come back in 2 days, the follicles are usually mature or close to it, so the u/s tech talks to my Dr, and he tells her to tell me that I can do the trigger shot that evening (Ovidrel).

I get pretty excited to hear how big the follicles are because they seem to get slightly bigger each time. Today, the u/s seemed to be taking longer than usual. It seemed a little more thorough than usual too. After laying in silence for about 5 minutes, I asked Whitney, “Could you tell me how big the follicles are today?” She said, “Sure, but I’m still looking at your uterus.. have you had any surgeries?” “Nope.” And then silence. I kind of wondered why she asked me that. I assumed she must’ve seen something abnormal, but I didn’t think that much of it. After a few more minutes she said, “There are two follicles on your right side – 17.5mm & 18.8mm.” That was pretty exciting to me! Last month, the largest follicle was 17.5mm. I thought to myself how promising that sounded and mentally patted myself on the back for doing everything “right” this month (in terms of things I’ve done for my physical health).

After a couple more minutes, Whitney let me know she would step out and let me change. When she returned, she told me my Dr was on the phone for me. She handed me the phone and stepped out of the room. He said, “Follicles look good! Go ahead and trigger tonight, but I want you to make an appt for 3-4 weeks from now if you don’t... no actually just go ahead and make an appt with my office please. The technician said that you have a small Septate Uterus.. For now, we won’t be changing our plan of action, so go ahead and do the trigger, but make the appt with my office as well, and go ahead and look that up – that’s Septate [pause] Uterus. It’s like a divider in a room, but it divides your uterus.” “Okay, sounds good,” I lied. It doesn’t sound good. I didn’t know what it was, but it sounded like we had been wasting time trying for years on our own and now months with these fertility treatments.

I texted my husband what the Dr said, and he immediately began researching Septate Uterus on the internet & sending me information.

I went and got my regular bloodwork done, then I left the hospital thinking something was wrong with me. “This is why we haven’t gotten pregnant. It’s because of me.” But then I thought, “I guess this is kind of comforting.. to know there is some sort of problem because then we can focus on a solution.” My thoughts are often like that… negative at first until the optimistic side of my brain pipes up. They’re both equally loud. I usually make the hopeful side win, but this time I can see both sides.

From what I read online, a Septate Uterus can be fixed with a small surgery. Women don’t normally find out they have one until they’ve had troubles conceiving. And if there is a pregnancy, it usually ends in miscarriage. You can read about it here: http://www.babymed.com/info/septate-uterus

I drove to CVS on my way back to work, so I could pick up the trigger shot and estrogen pills. My husband called. I didn’t want to sound like a downer, so I tried to watch my tone. I don’t think it worked. He asked me what I was thinking, and that’s when I lost it.. “I’m thinking… that this treatment is pointless, and even if I do get pregnant, it’s going to end in another miscarriage…” I could hardly talk because I was crying so hard. It’s been a year since I was pregnant & it has been a long time since I’ve felt emotional over the miscarriage. But to imagine having another miscarriage.. the thought made me crumble today.

It was therapeutic to cry like that.. like the tears were exorcists casting out some of my worries.

It’s been a few hours since the appt, and I’m feeling more optimistic about things. I’ve cried a lot, expressed my fears, and now I just have to see how it all plays out.

Thanks for reading!

Happy Holidays!

Ahhh it has been a great vacation at home.. I'm no artist, but drawing or painting + coffee creates a perfect morning.

The holidays are almost over! <-- That's more of a distressed exclamation because I love the holiday season so much.. Only the New Year celebration is left. It's kind of interesting that we make such a big deal about the date changing, but when you think about it, it's more about the idea of having a clean slate and a fresh start.. leaving the previous year's disappointments behind.. creating new goals.. feeling renewed!

For some people, the new year brings new resolutions, which is awesome! Creating goals (small or big) is necessary for everyone... I know I will always be a work in progress, and I will never be perfect, but I will always try, and I will be relentless. If the plan for your goal doesn't work, change the plan - not the goal. But I don't normally make a New Year's Resolution because I feel like I am pretty aware of my flaws (most of them), and I continuously try to improve myself throughout the year.. so I will share my Everyday Resolutions in no particular order:

1. Be more transparent. What I mean by this is that I want to be more open. I've always been a pretty private, sometimes closed off person, so it can be hard to get to know me. Most people close to me are very resilient.. maybe even pushy.. lol.

2. Be nicer. I guess this one is pretty self-explanatory. Sometimes I am not as nice as I could be, and I need to try harder to be nice to every person no matter what mood I am in.

3. Stress less. I need to stress less about things that are out of my control.. I need to focus more on maintaining my mental health and relationships rather than trying to get everything checked off the checklist. Not overscheduling myself and not procrastinating will definitely help also.

4. Be more Christ-like. This goal is the toughest and encompasses so much (including the above goals). Within this goal, I have an infinite amount of goals such as being a better spouse, a more selfless friend, being more forgiving, compassionate, generous, less judgmental, the list could go on forever.

The year 2013 has been one for the books. There were a lot of great memories made, and the best part is -- I can actually remember them. It's the 1st year, in the last 15 years, where I have had (any) alcohol on maybe 5 occasions (or less) and did not black out once! My marriage is stronger than ever and I'm healthier than ever, but there has been the dark cloud of the miscarriage and unsuccessful fertility treatments looming overhead. Nevertheless, this year has been great, but I welcome 2014 and all that it brings!

Here's a look back at some of the big moments of the last year..

We bought our first house!

 

 

 

Found out we were pregnant!

(Our niece in a "I'm going to be a big cousin!" onesie to tell my parents)

 

Trip to San Diego

Took our nieces to Disneyland

 

 

Flowers from coworkers after loss of pregnancy

 

 

Rented a lake cabin in Minnesota

(our 8 yr old dog went swimming for the 1st time)

 Horsebackriding & hiking in Medora

 

 

Finished 3 half marathons

 

 

Celebrated 5 years of marriage!

 

 

Had a wonderful first Christmas in our new home...

 

Here's to an incredible 2013

& an even better 2014!

 

 

 

 

 

Xfit Day (Fitness Post)

I declared Saturdays as Crossfit Day a couple months ago. I love traditional weightlifting, and I love running, and I love trying new workouts. I had been wanting to check out Crossfit for a while, and the local Crossfit scheduler didn't coordinate with my work/school scheduler, so Saturday was the winner. If you want to look at it like that!

Before going into Crossfit, this is what I knew (or thought I knew): Burpees, box jumps, kettlebells, clean & jerks, weird "pullups," knee high socks, douchebags that think their workout is harder than anyone else's. I thought, "I can run a marathon, I can do insanity-type workouts, I can lift weights, I can do real pullups. Forging elite fitness, yeah right!"

After going to Crossfit for a couple months (and only once per week), this is what I have learned: I am the douchebag.

I fell in love with running and weightlifting because you set goals for yourself, you conquer them, then you feel amazing! You see yourself getting faster, stronger, and fitter each week. Crossfit crushes those feelings lol. Crossfit makes you feel defeated in the beginning. It hurts the pride. But now I'm in love with Crossfit because it is truly the hardest workout I have ever done, it forces you to humble yourself and see that you can go so much further than you have even when you have already come a long way.

I'm starting to feel more accomplished after Crossfit workouts now, but I won't be letting it get to my head again lol. I should also add that I love the Crossfit community - there are a lot of extremely fit, humble people that really enjoy encouraging each other and working together. Most of the people that I have met there seem like wonderful characters that I would be honored to have as friends.

The fitness lessons I learned that can be applied to all aspects of life.. Work hard, then work harder. Stay humble. Never become complacent. Stop judging books by their cover!

On another note, I'm not going to Crossfit today. The -45 windchill has defeated my desire to forge elite fitness.

Feelings, Friday, Fertility

Feeling pretty good right now. It's Friday, I've started putting up Christmas decorations, and I had a great anniversary. Way different than how I was feeling a couple months ago! October is when we started the first round of fertility treatment. This is what's happened from beginning to present:

10/22 Day 1 Ultrasound; Normal
10/24 - 11/2 Letrozole
11/3 Day 13 Ultrasound; Follicles not big enough
11/5 Day 15 Ultrasound; 2 Follicles on left side w/largest at 16mm

Dr says to go forward with trigger shot. I try to convince nurse friend to come over and give me shot. She has to work. I try to give it to myself. I hold needle like dart, aim at thigh, go through the motion about 20 times.. give up and call husband into room.. I cry, he laughs.. stabs me with GIANT needle (not really, but that didn't matter).

11/6 Lab work (Lab tech misses twice then calls someone else lol); Estrogen levels normal
11/22 Day 1 Ultrasound (1st cycle unsuccessful); Normal
11/24 - 12/3 Letrozole
12/4 Day 13 Ultrasound; Largest follicle on right side is 18.5mm/Lab work; Estrogen levels are low - start taking Estradiol 3 xs per day

Dr says to trigger shot. Now that husband is "experienced," I'm feeling more comfortable.. only a little more comfortable.. but no tears this time. That was 2 days ago.

I'm feeling tremendously better this time around.. more relaxed. During the 1st cycle of treatment I was feeling really anxious, stressed out, depressed, and highly emotional. When I started the medication, I had the worst cystic acne breakout I have ever experienced. Not only did my face hurt, but my self-esteem took a severe hit (as vain as that sounds). I cancelled on all social gatherings because I had a hard time being around anyone. I avoided people at any cost, so nobody would look at me. I would've called in to work sick, but I knew it would take several weeks to get better, and I couldn't be out that long. I honestly felt like a monster.

I also kept looking down this imaginary road ahead, envisioning us going through several unsuccessful rounds of treatment, then unsuccessful attempts with IUI, and then failed attempts with IVF. I was feeling defeated already. To be completely honest, I felt pissed off that we even needed medication.

When my period started after the first round, I was pretty bummed. But I decided I can't continue to think the same way. I was making myself unhappy as well as others around me.. And I'm just not willing to live like that.

Not to say I won't feel bummed if the treatment is unsuccessful. I'll still have feelings of disappointment and times where I'm feeling down. The extensive spectrum of emotions is just part of being female. The point is to not let myself stay down for very long. I have a satisfying and fulfilling life because I choose to.. so here's to reminding myself that I have control of my attitude even if I don't have control over what happens.

Prayers & positive thoughts always welcome!

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Five Years

I often evaluate our marriage and look at the duration of our time together. We are celebrating five years of marriage in a couple days, and I enjoy seeing how far we have come!

We knew each other for a whole 6 months and 8 days when we said our vows in the courthouse. We didn't have rings to exchange, our witnesses were employees at the courthouse, and our families first heard of our plans as we were driving home after the ceremony to get ready for work that day.

["I don't even know her last name!" his mom exclaimed. "Yeah, you do.. it's the same as mine!"]

We were in love.. crazy, irrational, head-over-heels, floating on cloud 9 type of love.

But five years ago, we were strangers. Strangers that loved what we knew of each other. We had just moved to a new state, far away from familiar faces or any support of loved ones. And as if we didn't already have the tools for success, we also shared a common love of alcohol.

Our lives revolved around drinking and cigarettes. We spent our nights in a haze. During the day, we were just getting by, trying to pass as responsible young adults, be "functioning alcoholics," and just make it until the evening came so we could drink again. We'd have our drunken talks, talking about our lives before we knew each other and the future life we wanted to create. We also had our alcohol-fueled arguments about whether the color of the pillow on TV was actually green or purple, or argue about a completely hypothetical situation, and whatever else we could create an argument about (while brushing off any suggestions that alcohol might be a problem).

The turning point was when we turned to running. His mom led the way when she completed her first marathon, about 50 pounds overweight at the time. We began replacing alcohol with running, and little by little we started turning our talks about the future into action. As we focused more on our physical health, we also improved our marital health.

As I sobered, I learned more about the person I was married to.. a strong but sensitive, stubborn but easygoing, sarcastic but good-humored man who made it his primary goal in life to make me happy.. a sometimes difficult undertaking. We also learned we are complete opposites. He recently told someone I was "his yin to his yang," and I think that perfectly demonstrates his unconditional love and acceptance of our differences. Most of all, I learned he is resilient. That WE are resilient. In our marriage, while trying to learn more about him, I have learned so much about myself.

Five years ago, we walked into the courthouse as strangers. In that time, we have grown as individuals, and we've grown together, and this is just the beginning of our love story!

To my heart,

I promise to continue to be your yin. I promise to be beside you through any and all obstacles. I promise to always love you, never settling for average. And I promise to always strive to be the best version of myself as we continue to learn more about each other and life.

Happy anniversary!

Feed My Starving Children

I recently joined a local organization for young professionals that want to network while getting involved with the community. About a month ago, the committee I am on decided it wanted to participate in the Feed My Starving Children (FMSC) event that took place yesterday. I signed up right away and told my husband I was doing it. He asked me to sign him up too. We both only knew one thing about FMSC, and that was nothing. We heard the name "Feed My Starving Children" and assumed it was going to be a small group of people collecting and packing food donations.

Upon arriving at the State Fair Center yesterday, we had to search the crowd to find our team leader. She was easy to find because every team leader was holding a sign with the committee name. When the rest of the 8 person team arrived, we followed the signs to the orientation. Orientation on packing food? That's a little excessive, right? That's what I was thinking.. but I followed the signs, checked my coat in, and picked up my hairnet as directed.

Then we were told to sit in the same row as our team. There were 3 sections in the seating area that was facing a projection screen. Each section had rows of chairs, and each row had 8 chairs. The leader of each team sat on a chair on the left end of the row. The leaders' chairs had the color and number of the packing table we would be at in the packing room (there were balloons on the tables with coordinating color and number). Once the chairs were filled and there were people standing in the overflow area, a representative began to talk on the stage. That's when we learned the magnitude of what we were about to participate in.

Feed My Starving Children is a Christian, non-profit organization based in Minnesota that travels around the country hosting food-packing events. The food is distributed through about 200 partners to 70 countries. The food is "scientifically-created" food called MannaPack Rice. It consists of a vitamin powder, dehydrated vegetables for nutrition and texture, soy flakes for protein, and rice for carbs. There was a lot of thought that went into creating these pouches of food -- it transports easily, it's cost effective, and the dominant ingredient (rice) is recognized in every country. The food was designed with severely malnourished children in mind.

On the projector screen, we watched a short clip of the food being cooked and served to children in the Philippines where a lot of their focus has been. It also showed FMSC partners that set up shop (for 3 years at a time) in villages living in extreme poverty to teach them how to create a self-sustaining community. You can learn more about FMSC and their partners on their website http://www.fmsc.org/.

After the video, we proceeded to the packing room and began our 1.5 hr shift (orientation took about half an hour). Each team was setup as an assembly line. One person would hold an empty MannaPack bag under a funnel. From there, I measured and scooped the vitamin powder and a scoop of dehydrated vegetables into the bag. A teammate scooped a portion of soy flakes, then rice into the bag. Then the bag was moved to a scale to make sure it was the correct weight. Then the bag was moved to the sealing station where one person held the top of the bag in the correct spot and another person used the sealing machine to seal the bag. Once there were 36 sealed bags, it was boxed and ready to go. The warehouse volunteers walked around filling supplies as they became low and wheeled the boxes away.

At the end of the shift, we gathered around the FMSC rep who wanted to share a story and a message. He described his personal experience when he had an opportunity to accompany one of the partners to a country where the food is distributed. Several pouches were poured into a large pot of boiling water while children waited in line for their serving. The food took about 30 minutes to cook, so the children placed a rock or, if they were lucky to have one, a bucket to hold their place in line while they ran around and played. When the food was ready, they went back to their place in line and waited very patiently for their turn. He said the thing that stood out the most was that the kids were the most patient kids he had ever seen and that they were not sad. They were content with what they had. The message he wanted to share was from a woman in the village who said to let "us" (the volunteers) know that they were praying for us.

It's hard to describe the emotion I felt throughout this experience. I was blown away by the volunteers, by the organization and its partners, but mostly by the people who don't have food to eat and are still happy and are praying for us. They gave me a lesson in appreciation and humility that I hope to carry with me forever.

Side note: Our shift packed 479 boxes of food which equates to 283 meals everyday for a year. The FMSC rep said that is about how much they usually pack in an entire event (each event has multiple shifts).

The Comeback

It's been nearly two years since I've posted anything. When I returned to school, there was a lot of writing involved, which deterred me from blogging. Not just because school takes up a lot of time, but sometimes when you have a responsibility to do something.. it takes all the fun away! I loathe writing for school. I immediately revert to a young child when I find out I have to write a paper for school. I don't want to write! I don't want to learn! I'm an adult, and you can't make me!

I am not back to post anything new or profound. I am not trying to move or enlighten anyone. I am back because I realize blogging is a fun and therapeutic activity to reflect and express my capricious thoughts, and if anyone is interested in seeing what is going on in my head and life, they are welcome to read it here.

REWIND! Here is a highlight reel of the last couple years:

Jan 2012 - Quit Smoking Habitually (continued smoking throughout the year about once a month)
Feb 2012 - Began a Marathon Training Program (Hal Higdon Novice 1)
Mar 2012 - Completed AABA
May 2012 - Completed 1st Half Marathon (Get in Gear; Minneapolis)
Jul 2012 - Began BBA in Accounting
Aug 2012 - Completed 2nd Half Marathon (Burli-Mot; Minot)
Sept 2012 - Completed 1st Full Marathon while celebrating 27th birthday (Kroll's Diner Bismarck Marathon; Bismarck) Followed by Trip to Vegas! Best. Birthday. Ever.
Jan 2013 - Quit Smoking for Good!
Feb 2013 - Purchased our First House & Found out Pregnant after 3 Yrs TTC*
Mar 2013 - Miscarriage
May 2013 - Completed 3rd Half Marathon (Scheels Fargo Half Marathon; Fargo)
Aug 2013 - Completed 4th Half Marathon (Burli-Mot; Minot)
Sept 2013 - Completed 5th Half Marathon and Placed 2nd in Women Under 30 (Striker Life Half Marathon; Minot AFB)
Oct 2013 - Began Fertility Treatment (1st Round)
Nov 2013 - My primary focus is reconnecting with God, being a good wife, and my health. I believe all of those things are essential to "living life to the fullest."

So, that is a recap of the last couple years, some good, some bad, but mostly great! That brings us to the present. We just started the 2nd round of fertility treatment. That is what dominates my mind these days. I have so many thoughts and emotions about this that change from day to day, sometimes minute to minute, but I'm trying to keep it together and under control. I have so many things to be thankful for, and I have to remind myself of  that.

I love going to sleep and waking up everyday next to my best friend and kicking life's ass together, but I can't wait until we create a life together that we can hold in our arms, tuck into bed, teach and learn from and watch grow up... But as I've been learning, life doesn't always happen as you plan or hope, so for now I have to be flexible and patient (two foreign concepts to me) and see what life has in store for us. So, that is where I am and those are my uncensored thoughts.

*TTC is an acronym I picked up from the baby boards, which stands for Trying To Conceive

Just a quick blog

Life has been crazy lately, so I only have time for a quick update. I have been working a lot more overtime since my counterpart at work left. I have taken on a lot more responsibilities and am also responsible for training the replacement, which has been challenging. I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed with work and school while trying not to let my personal needs and family life take a back burner. It is definitely difficult finding a balance, but I am thankful for my busy life.

My husband & I quit smoking and are training for our first half marathon. It will be in Minneapolis in April. I <3 Minneapolis so much! So many things to do, see, and eat there! It will be a great time & I can not wait. Here is the training plan I chose: http://www.marathonrookie.com/support-files/10weekhalfmarathonschedule.pdf

I have been running regularly about 2.5 - 3 miles, but I will start the official 10-week training program on Feb 20th. The weather has been unbelievably nice for this area and this time of year, so I have been able to do some running outside. I hope we continue to have a mild Winter!

Sometimes I run without music and just focus on the sound of my breathing. Yesterday, I was in the mood to listen to country music. It made the run go by faster, so maybe I will try to listen to music more often.

Anyway, break over. Back to homework I go!

Love Jesus, but Hate Religion?

The title of this video enticed me to watch.. The video itself evoked poignancy. I want to watch the video a hundred times.. the words stimulate my heart and encourage me to explore my spirituality.

Goodbye, Holidays!

I'm sad to say the holidays are over. The decorations are put away, the tree is on the curb, and we're back to real life.

 

I savored every second of the almost two weeks away from work and school. During that time off, we relaxed quite a bit at home. We also took a trip to Washington state to spend New Year's with some family and friends. It was a short trip but very memorable!

The first night, we spent playing Phase 10. I was losing... badly.. so I decided to go to bed. The next morning, we went to a local cafe called Barbie's for some of the best breakfast food & an amazing view of the water! It makes me smile to think about it. I already can't wait to go back for some eggs benedict.. That evening, the night before New Year's Eve, we went to my SIL's house where we enjoyed her husband's homemade pizza (I had 4 slices) and homemade beer before going to the casino to celebrate her birthday. I could not have been happier :)

Until morning came. Before we got to WA, my MIL coerced us into registering for the "Prance & Plunge" at 9am on the 31st. "It'll be so much fun," she said.. "we'll just prance around the lake a bit before taking a nice dip into the lake," she said. When we were out til 2am the night before, I prayed, "Dear Lord, I hope everyone will drink so much alcohol that they won't wake up for the Prance & Plunge tomorrow. Amen." It didn't work because God doesn't like when you pray about stuff like that.

My MIL was doing her usual wake up song & dance at 7am. "She's not even human," I thought. We got into the car.. left my husband/her son because he was taking too long to poop.. and headed to the lake. We got to the lake and met with the other one hundred crazies that thought this would be fun. It was 29 degrees out. We waited to start for about half an hour, and then we were off. My husband with his sprained ankle (he met us after he was done pooping) & his sister ran ahead. My MIL ran with me.. or pranced with me I guess. We pranced for a little over 3 miles. I LOVED IT! I don't think I can put into words how beautiful it was that morning. I joked that I could have seen the same view in a moving vehicle, but I know I could not have taken it in and appreciated it the way I did as we ran. I fell in love with that road and the trees and the lake and the air, and I kept thinking, "I wish I had my camera!" I didn't even want the run to end. Partly because we had to jump into the lake afterwards.

I expected there to be a dock that we would jump off, but we actually had to walk into the water. I wasn't sure if my body was going to let me, but I really had no choice. My MIL was already in the water & my SIL grabbed my hand.. I tried not to think about the cold. As soon as I emerged from the water, I felt like the cold knocked the oxygen out of me & that I was moving in slow motion. Even still.. it was one of the best experiences, and I am thrilled I could share it with some of my favorite people!

Later that day, I was hit with the flu. I slept through New Year's Eve and most of New Year's Day. We spent our final full day in WA, Jan 2nd, shooting paper targets and clay pigeons, then out that night for a wonderful dinner! It was perfect. I married into a family that constantly impresses me-- from their perseverance to their humor to the way they accept each others differences and their commitment to family. I absorb these lessons and feel myself changing. I truly value every single person in my life and feel immensely blessed. The holidays are over, but I look forward to each and every day and to all the new experiences and memories in 2012 and beyond. LML

Lake Darling

Yesterday, we traveled twelve miles north of where we live to a little lake named Lake Darling. It was a cool 19 degrees, lightly snowing, and very windy. We pulled off onto the first boat ramp, but there were several trucks parked. When we pulled in a little further, we noticed some shacks where people were doing some ice fishing. We were trying to find a somewhat secluded area as our dog does not like strangers, so we continued around the lake. The next boat ramp area was empty. We parked our vehicle and got out to explore. We let our dog off his leash and let him run around. He was so excited he was running and sliding all over the ice! I wish I had captured one of his falls. As my dog and my husband played on the ice, I sat down and took hundreds of photos and played around with different settings on my camera. Here are a couple of my favorites..

The second one was pretty blurry, but I decided to go with it and give it an old time feel. After 20 minutes or so, my fingers were red and feeling pretty frozen. We decided to move on to a different area. I defrosted my hands in the car while we drove around. Next we found a small hill that overlooked the lake. Again, our dog was so excited he was running around in circles. My favorite pictures came from this spot.

If you look closely in the second photo, you can barely see our dog's tail! I also love that the lake in these pictures looks textured from the dusting of snow sitting on top of the frozen water. The final area we checked out was a refuge area. We walked a short hiking trail before heading out, and I got a couple pictures that I liked from there.

Even though I was freezing, my fingers and toes were hurting, and there was snow blowing onto my face, I had a really great time! My dog and husband were such great models, and I'm so happy they agreed to come with me. I could hardly wait to get home to edit some pictures.

Here is one last photo from our ride home.. Taken with my camera phone. All others were taken with my Nikon P500.

Photography Project

Calling myself an amateur photographer is an understatement. I love taking pictures though! When I don't have a camera or camera phone nearby, I am constantly taking still images in my mind.

I am very excited because today I will be starting a 16 Photography Ideas Project. I might not have time to take pictures everyday, but I will do my best. I will also try my best to tap into my creative side for some unique shots. I will post my favorite pictures from each category to my blog. Here is the list in no specific order:

1. Self portraits

2. Moon shots

3. Nature macros

4. Portraits

5. Fun macros

6. Musical performances

7. My city's landmarks through the seasons

8. Bokeh shots

9. Architecture & building shots

10. Landscapes

11. Raindrops on windows

12. Food photos

13. Pet portraits 

14. Sports & action shots

15. Sunsets

16. Night shots

I already take a lot of pet portraits :) my dog is the easiest model I have, and he doesn't complain!

This will be a continuing project throughout the year. I do not own a dslr camera and will be using my point-and-shoot that is pictured in the background of my blog.

Baking Lessons

One of the best parts of the holidays is the holiday treats. There's not a lot that smells better than warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.. However, I am definitely no Betty Crocker. In fact, baking and I do not agree, which I have proven time and time again. I even have a difficult time baking pre-made dough properly.

Tonight, I decided to make homemade chocolate chip cookies. I sifted, measured, beat, and mixed the ingredients listed in the recipe. The dough had the consistency of cake frosting. I scooped the dough into tablespoon-sized balls onto the baking sheet and baked a batch anyway.

The end result....

That is how chocolate chip cookies are supposed to look, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, That's how cookies are supposed to look.......... if you don't add flour! This just confirms that baking is not my friend. Feeling defeated, I added a few scoops of flour into the rest of the cookie mixture and tried again.

Much better.

They were not the best cookies I have ever had, but they were the best cookies I have ever made. I don't think baking likes me still, but hopefully in time we can begin to understand eachother. Note to self: don't overlook the obvious.

 

Happy birthday, Jesus!

What does Christmas mean to you? This is something I have been thinking about more and more in recent years. For most of my life it meant gifts.. specifically receiving gifts! To me, it was a day where Santa, your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends showered you with gifts. I would spend the month leading up to Christmas writing, editing, and re-writing my Christmas list.

In seventh grade, I wanted what all of the other girls at my new school had: Adidas winter jacket, JNCO wide-leg jeans, and some Puma cheerleading shoes. They had to be these brands and exact same style too. I also asked for some CDs.. I think I was probably listening to Backstreet Boys at the time. I think I got some Reeboks and a Fiona Apple CD.. which was completely unacceptable. I probably stewed in dissatisfaction for the following week.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it was probably what Santa could afford at the time, but money and budgets are a really hard concept for most children to understand. Children in other countries would have been ecstatic to have shoes of any brand, thrilled that they had anything to put on their feet. I was spoiled.. for some reason I had developed an attitude of entitlement.

I, like a lot of children in America, have never known real hardships and assume toys and brand name clothing are owed to us.. while food and clean water are luxuries to other children. Now that I am starting a family of my own, I often think about how I want to raise my children. I want my children to be unassuming and selfless. I think expectations and ideals begin to cultivate at a very young age. I want to start a new tradition for my family where we put less emphasis on material items and more emphasis on enjoying and appreciating our blessings and also on doing more for others.  

I still love presents! But I realize now that the most valuable thing in life is time spent with loved ones. I want to focus more on the act of giving than receiving.. I also realize that money spent does not equate to love, and there are many other ways to give.. Throughout the year I often get wrapped up in my own wants and desires.. It's easy to do that when all of your needs (and beyond) are met. I need to remember that. I hope to continue to grow as a person and to continue to strive to be the type of person I wish my unborn children to be.. to TRY to be more like who we are celebrating today! I will cherish the moments spent with my loved ones and remember those who can not be with theirs.

Why Blog

First Post. Christmas Eve 2011. I always begin my day just like everyone else.. checking facebook mobile from bed. I got on my smartphone this morning and scanned thru all the new posts. Most people mentioned Christmas or Christmas Eve and some of the gifts they have opened already. A lot of people received a Kindle Fire.. nice job, Santa!

As I lie in bed, I start to reflect on Christmases of my childhood. The memory of the actual gifts I received is a little fuzzy, but I vividly remember my feelings. Feelings of disappointment and resentment.. Wow! I instantly felt ashamed as I remembered. My family didn't have as much money as other families in town, and I usually didn't get the absurd and expensive items on my wish list, but Santa gave me the most he could! It must have killed Santa to see how ungrateful I was.

Most days, I am extremely aware and thankful of the blessed life I lead. I'm thankful for my job, the food I enjoy, the clothing I choose, and especially for the relationships that I have and continue to build. Of course I have my days where I catch myself having ungrateful thoughts.. I sometimes even say those thoughts out loud.. I want to slap myself those days. Tonight, on Christmas Eve, I know I will be genuinely grateful and happy to receive socks! Socks that I picked out for myself and stuffed into my own stocking! :)

Anyway, I decided to start this blog because I don't have a diary. I wanted to have an area to reflect or vent and to give in to my narcissistic nature.